Today, we are starting a series of columns that are intended to provide specific tools for working on ourselves. They can be used both for working with ourselves and when we want to help another person (e.g. at work when we support someone from our team).
In both cases, the methods presented below make it possible to become aware of your "blind spots", separate interpretations from facts and broaden your perspective. And broadening this perspective opens the door to better understanding and revealing previously unnoticed possibilities of solutions.
Self-coaching - the art of asking questions
One general method is to ask questions that focus on the positives. It causes us to shift our attention from the plane of the problem to the plane of the solution. Starting from this safe and optimistic place "we are looking for a solution" it is easier to mobilize our resources and see opportunities that we do not see stuck in the "problem" area.
And on this occasion, a small digression on the question "why?" (related to working on oneself)
Why should you be careful with the question "Why?" 🙂
Because such a question keeps us in the "problem" area. So it also holds us in the past. It is asking for a reason, something that has already happened. And yet the coaching convention is about moving forward.
Moreover, if you have a preference for experiencing the world mainly within yourself; if you tend to "chew your thoughts", the question "Why?" can unleash a very dangerous mind process that will do whatever it takes to justify why it is happening. Moreover, justify that it should be so! (because that's who I am; because you won't change the world; because I deserve it; because otherwise, etc.)
We have mentioned many times that our mind is a perfect machine for finding answers to questions. But the answer will also be as good as the question was.
Patience is also very important. Do not expect results right away. And you should not set yourself too high expectations. Because then there is a tension that limits our possibilities.
Our mind is clear when it is calm.
So the next time you experience a difficult situation that repeats itself in your life - first give yourself a chance to calm down, then look for a good question, ask yourself “and let it work for you”. Give yourself time. Glare comes at the most unexpected moments.
Self-coaching - examples of STRONG questions about a situation that has already happened:
What was the most difficult for me in this situation?
What was the most important thing for me in this situation?
Now that I know what I know, having answered the above questions, what will I do differently next time?
Self-coaching - examples of STRONG questions to ask in a given situation:
What can I see, what can I hear? (what is really happening, facts - not my interpretations)
What do I feel?
What do I need the most right now? (what important need is not being met at the moment)
What would I like to ask for now? (also to ask me)
By the way, the sequence of the 4 questions presented above comes from the area of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), a method developed by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg.
See you in the next episode!
See also: