Leader as a Coach

If you're a leader, manager, director, or head, please first think about your typical week at work. How many times have you helped your direct reports by trying to solve their problems? The answer is likely almost as many times as you've met with them.

Is this the optimal approach? How much energy and effort does it require from you? What hidden needs does this approach satisfy? What unconscious beliefs of yours are driving this automatic approach? By doing this, are you helping your team members grow, or are you actually harming them?

In this article, we'll explain why managers fall into the problem-solving trap. We'll also present an alternative approach called "manager as coach" (also known as "leader coach"), describe its benefits, and delve into the basics of coaching.

You will learn four practical tools that you can start using right away, adopting a flexible and highly effective team management style.

And all this will be based on specific examples and adapted to the everyday life of every leader in today's VUCA world, especially remote work.

We will also provide precise guidelines on when you should NOT use coaching in your daily work.

Problem-solving leaders.

Too often, managers feel that the best way to deliver so-called value is to solve someone else's problem. However, over-focusing on problem-solving limits our ability to lead and deprives our team members of opportunities to develop and grow. Not to mention the emotional costs that the manager pays himself.

As a result of this approach, many managers become overwhelmed with responsibilities and burn out. Inadvertently, they also create a culture in which they are expected to respond. And their immediate reports - instead of using their talents and developing problem-solving skills — become dependent on them.

Managers are not really paid to answer every question.

Great managers know they need to invest in the medium to long term: they build a team that is constantly evolving, feels empowered to pursue goals, and systematically achieves a higher level of effectiveness. And personal satisfaction as well. It is very important.

In addition, large, well-organized companies have well-designed career succession programs. A good manager knows that he will not be able to move to a new position until he has raised or identified his successor. So many managers say today that they are oriented towards people and their development.

But how many are really free from the prestige and status that their position gives them? How many at any time would be able to part with their position - without regret or jealousy? (I will not mention parting with the company car).

On the other hand, in the startup environment, the training of managers is often insufficient (if it exists at all) and managers simply lack adequate knowledge in the field of people management. Most managers have not been taught how to identify and evaluate their management style and, if necessary, to change their attitudes. Many of them have the best intentions, but to be honest, they are just doing what they do best.

What is the recipe for being an outstanding leader and manager?

Each manager has a specific set of skills, styles, and competencies that he can draw on. The recipe is relatively simple, but it's not easy to implement:

Collect and develop the most diverse set of tools at your disposal,
Wisely and flexibly choose the tool that will be most useful in a given situation.

Default leader's approach: problem solving.

We will now look at the approach that takes place in most cases.

Imagine this situation please: You are just starting your morning regular 1: 1 call with a direct report whom you value very much. Before you even started talking about the business, your subordinate started expressing frustration about his role:

“Honestly, I don't feel motivated at work. I am stuck in the details and do not have enough exposure to the strategy. I look around and see my colleagues working on strategic projects that are taking their careers forward. "

How would you approach it?

Most managers will start looking for the source of the problem. And after the (often apparent) problem has been identified, he will go straight to its solution.

The alleged source of the problem will be strongly related to the manager's assumptions and his personal experience to date.

By starting the process of solving the (supposed) problem, the manager will start a really frustrating game that neither side can win. In this game, the manager proposes a solution, and the subordinate, more or less openly, counteracts this solution.

A manager leaves such a conversation thinking that his immediate reporting is difficult, stubborn, and not focused enough on his primary role. Perhaps he even felt his head roll.

And the subordinate will remain with the feeling of being misunderstood and unheard. Maybe even with a sense of rejection and fear for your future.

And as Maya Angelou said wisely:

"People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how they felt because of you."

Situations like the example above are common in manager-subordinate relationships. When a manager takes a problem-solving approach, he assumes that:

His own experiences are relevant to the other person's situation.
He knows the other person's problem well enough to give him a recipe for a solution right away

But this approach has the following risks:

adopting a wrong solution that makes the real problem even worse,
using a solution that temporarily relieves the pain, but does not resolve a deeper problem
the emergence of a subordinate's long-term dependence on the manager in the field of problem-solving, which deprives the subordinate of development opportunities and the ability to independently overcome their own challenges.

Why are leaders prone to problem-solving?

There are three main reasons:

We think we know

After all, we were promoted to the current position because of our experience and skills. After all, we were great at building our knowledge and quickly using it to solve problems. We are programmed to think, "I know the answer; I can add value quickly here" and rush into action without reflection.

We think we should know

Many managers (especially those at the beginning of their adventure in managing people) experience Imposter Syndrome. They may think, “I should know the right answer. Otherwise, if I don't, I'm a bad manager." In order to protect our own credibility, we give in to pressure and take to solving the problem.

We want to be a hero

And on top of the above two main reasons, there is also the temptation to become a hero. It's a great feeling to be a hero who steps in and relieves someone's problems, and it's hard not to succumb to this temptation.

Alternative approach - Leader as a Coach.

We define coaching as taking someone from where they are to where they want to go by using their own knowledge and resources and supporting them in achieving their goals.

Coaching and mentoring – key differences.

Although the terms "coaching" and "mentoring" are often used interchangeably, they represent two distinct approaches. Understanding this difference is crucial for effective leadership.

Coaching focuses on performance and specific tasks (performance-driven). The coach helps the employee find their own answers and develop specific skills through questioning. The time horizon is usually short- to medium-term. This approach is based on the assumption that the employee has the resources to solve the problem.

Mentoring focuses on career development and a long-term perspective (development-driven). The mentor, drawing on their own, broader experience, shares knowledge, provides advice, and suggests directions for development. The relationship is more directive and long-term.

An experienced manager can seamlessly transition between different roles depending on the employee's needs and the situation. This is a higher level of advancement known as situational leadership.

To better illustrate the differences, let's look at the following infographic:

What are the benefits of coaching in the workplace?

In fact, in many situations, business coaching is the most effective approach. A coaching culture allows the manager to shift the focus from themselves to the person being coached.

A key element for a leader acting as a coach is to leverage their own wisdom, not their own knowledge. When we constantly support our teams by leveraging our own knowledge, we become overly focused on solving the problem, drawing on our subjective experiences.

When we use coaching to uncover someone's wisdom, two important things happen.

1. We invest in their inner teacher.

This means you're not just solving a one-time problem. You're helping them become aware of their behavioral patterns and thinking ways. This broadens their self-awareness and helps them develop their own resources and apply best practices for dealing with future challenges. As a result, better results emerge.

2. We build their trust in each other.

This means you will quickly notice a change in your team members' ability to more clearly and confidently take independent steps to solve a problem or achieve their goal.

What are the typical challenges and pitfalls in the role of manager-coach?

Transitioning into a coaching role isn't without its challenges. Being aware of potential challenges will help you prepare for them and overcome them more effectively:

Role conflict: The biggest challenge is balancing the role of assessor (manager) and supporter (coach). An employee may be hesitant to be honest, knowing that their manager is also responsible for their annual performance appraisal and bonus.
Lack of trust: If the relationship with an employee is not based on solid trust, coaching attempts may be perceived as manipulation or micromanagement.
Employee resistance: Not every employee is ready for coaching. Some prefer direct instruction and may perceive coaching questions as a manager avoiding responsibility.
Time pressure: Coaching requires time and patience. In a dynamic business environment, managers often feel pressured to deliver solutions quickly, which contradicts the philosophy of coaching.

One of my most important lessons as a manager was that both parties in the relationship must be ready for coaching. We can have the best intentions to develop employees, but if an employee isn't ready for coaching, it's best to let it go. Otherwise, it will do more harm than good.

What is essential for an effective leader as a coach? Empathetic listening + open and honest questions.

Before we share some specific tools, let's first highlight two basic skills you need to start coaching your employees :

Empathetic listening.
Asking open and honest questions.

To define empathetic listening , let's use its opposite: self-focused listening. We've all been there, or perhaps still are. Whether it's a one-on-one meeting with a direct report or a team meeting, we're usually faced with one question:

What does this mean for me?

We listen to react and respond: What should I say next? What conclusion should I draw? How should I interpret this? What does this person need from me? How can I help them figure this out?

This is a natural human response because our brains are designed for pattern matching—which can be very useful in many aspects of our lives.

But as we mentioned earlier, the trick is choosing the right tools for the right situation . Therefore, if you want to be a coach, you need to develop the skill of empathetic listening.

And that means moving away from “What does this mean for me?” and moving to “What is happening to this person?”

What is the intention behind empathetic listening?

It's listening to understand another person's experience : What's happening to them? What are they thinking, feeling, and experiencing?

It's also about being curious and open to different options—including things that might surprise us or change our minds.

Thanks to this insight, we unlock previously hidden information that allows us to look at the other person from a much broader perspective.

And at this point it is also worth explaining that empathetic listening IS NOT:

Trying to feel the same feelings as someone else, as this can lead to taking on other people's anxiety and be a significant cause of burnout among managers.
Comparing another person's experience with your own.
Showing compassion for the other person.

How to develop the competence to ask open questions in everyday work?

The second fundamental skill of an effective coach leader is asking open-ended questions . You probably know that questions can be divided into closed and open-ended. A closed question limits the other person's ability to respond.

For example:

Do you agree with this new process we are introducing?
Have you thought about doing X to solve the problem?
Do you want to collect data through surveys or user interviews?

Sometimes this approach can be useful. For example, if we need to make a quick decision on an urgent matter, we may not have time to explore the full range of possibilities.

However, when we're not under time pressure, open-ended questions help the other person gain their own insight and encourage them to find solutions on their own. This inspires and motivates. An open-ended question also broadens the range of possible answers.

I think everyone in today's business world already knows what open-ended questions are. So I won't spend time defining them here. For clarity's sake, I'll just say that they are questions that begin with:

What?
How?
When?
Who?

but also questions like: What if...? What else? What do you really want? What will it give you? What are you willing to commit to? When do you want to do it? How will you know when you've achieved your goal?

What are practical coaching tools for managers and leaders?

Practicing the "manager as coach" style is a lifelong development journey. But every journey begins with a first step. We'll begin by sharing two of the most commonly used coaching models (GROW and OSKAR) and four practical tools you can start using right away.

For each tool:

We will present an example situation at work.
We will show what a habitual approach to problem-solving looks like.
We will share specific tips on how to do it better using a coaching approach.

Structured coaching model: the GROW model.

Proven coaching models provide structure to the conversation. One of the most popular is the GROW model, which consists of four stages:

G (Goal): At this stage, the coach helps the employee define what they want to achieve. Key questions include: 'What is your goal for this session?', 'What will success look like?', and 'How will you know you've achieved your goal?'
R (Reality): This step involves examining the current situation. The manager-coach asks questions that help the employee understand the context, such as: 'What is happening right now?' 'Who is involved?' 'What steps have you already taken?'
O (Options): This is where possibilities and alternative courses of action are generated. Supporting questions include: 'What are your options?', 'What else could you do?', and 'If there were no constraints, what would you do?'
W (Will/Way Forward): The final step is planning specific actions. The coach asks: 'What exactly will you do?' 'When will you do it?' 'What support do you need?' 'How will you measure progress?'

Here's an example of a very effective goal question I use in my coaching practice, especially when the client begins the session with a lot of reflection or recounts many recent events.

The question is:

"What question would you like to have answered?"

In this way, on the one hand, I help the client organize their thoughts, and on the other, indirectly, I teach them how to ask questions to themselves and choose the most important things.

Referring to the questioning technique mentioned earlier, the real art of coaching is asking the right questions at the right time. Here are a few examples to help you understand this principle:

Goal questions help define what the employee is striving to achieve.
- 'What exactly do you want to achieve?'
- 'What will success look like in this case?'
Questions about reality help us understand the current situation.
- 'What have you done about this so far?'
- 'What's stopping you?'
Questions about options generate new possibilities.
- 'What are all the possible steps you could take?'
- 'What would you do if you had unlimited resources?'
Questions about action lead to specific commitments.
- 'What will be your first step?'
- 'What support do you need to make this happen?'

Alternative coaching model: the OSKAR model.

Another valuable model, particularly in a solution-focused approach, is OSKAR. It focuses on strengths and existing resources:

O (Outcome): What do you want to achieve? What is the desired outcome of this conversation?
S (Scaling): On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 means you've achieved your goal and 1 means you haven't achieved it at all, where are you now? What keeps you at this level and not below it?
K (Know-how): What skills and resources do you already have that can help you? When have you dealt with a similar situation in the past?
A (Affirmation and Action): What's already working well? What's the smallest step you can take to move up the scale?
R (Review): How will we monitor progress? When will we talk about this again?

Because the OSKAR approach focuses on the solution (rather than the problem), it's often an alternative to the SMART goal-setting method. Now consider its next steps from this perspective.

Now let's move on to explaining 4 practical tools.

Tool #1 - Changing your expected outcome or goal.

When to use.

For example, in a situation where a team member is stuck with a problem — has encountered an unexpected limitation in his project — he thinks about it but still does not know how to proceed.

A common approach to solving someone's problem.
In this approach, you usually say, "Why is this? How do we usually solve this problem?"

This is why you should use coaching instead: when someone gets stuck in a problem they are struggling with, they usually don't think about what they want from the situation. It focuses on the problem.
And, not knowing what he wants, or what he needs most, he is unable to move forward. It focuses on the problem. Coaching can help him move from the problem area to the solution area.

How to apply this tool.

"What would you most like in this situation?" (repeat this question to make sure it is heard correctly)
"When you have it, what will it bring to you?" (this question helps to dig one level deeper and make sure what problem we are really solving)

Tips to keep in mind.

Repeat the second question as many times as you need to until you get to the bottom of what your direct report wants from this situation.

Use the exact wording of the questions. For example, saying "you will be" instead of "may" implies that your direct report will achieve this goal in the future and prompts him to do so.

If what your direct report wants isn't feasible — for example, he wants a difficult teammate to be removed from the team — you can explain why it isn't feasible, and then ask:

“Let's explore this further to see if there is any other possibility. Given the current state of affairs, what else would you like? "

Tool #2 - Exploring Options.

When to use.

As a manager, you understand the challenge of a member of your team. What he wants to achieve is clear to him and you. You want to work it out with him.

A common approach to solving someone's problem.

If you've taken this approach, you can automatically say, "Have you tried doing X?" or "I can step in and help you scale it" or "Send this email to X and Y and copy me on it".

Why use business coaching and the "manager as a coach" style instead.

Your direct report may know the context better and have ideas that you don't have. Rather than immediately suggesting what you would do, coaching enables team members to find their own solutions.

How to apply this tool.

Ask clarifying questions to help make the options visible and more specific, such as:

"What options do you have available to achieve what you want?
"What are your options to make progress towards your goal?"
"What do you want to try first?"
"What other options do you have?" (this question is worth repeating often)

For example, suppose your direct reporting team is working with a creative team whose input is essential before you can move forward with your advertising campaign. The copywriter did not provide any text suggestions, and a member of your team is worried about the status of the entire project. You can then ask:

"What are your options?" and ask your direct report to come up with their own ideas before sharing your opinion.

Tool #3 - Strengthening Your Strengths.

When to use.

A team member has Imposter Syndrome or feels insecure. He/she doesn't believe he/she can face the challenge.

A common approach to solving someone's problem.

If you've chosen the corrective approach, you can say:

"Don't worry, you've got it!"
"I know you can do it!"
"Have more confidence in yourself!"

This is why you should use coaching instead: "patting the shoulder" often exacerbates the Imposter Syndrome and Uncertainty, as it widens the gulf between the expectations it perceives and where the person sees their own abilities. During coaching, we increase someone's self-confidence, making them aware of specific resources at their disposal. This helps the subordinate to understand how they can apply their current skills and strengths in a given situation.

How to apply this tool.

Remind them of the strengths they've demonstrated in the past. And ask how they could apply them here. For example:

“I know you are put off by the tight schedule of this project. We both know that one of your strengths is designing under constraints. Earlier this year, you found a creative solution that allowed us to make an effective impact on a key user. What would it be like to take full advantage of your strength in this situation? "

Go beyond shoulder patting. Instead of saying thank you for "great job!" After a team member has made a good sales conversation, see if you can identify the strength he or she has just demonstrated. For example:

"Good job! I noticed that you have built a strong relationship with your client. You made him feel heard and understood. You have dispelled his concerns about the product. The ability to build real trust in interpersonal relationships is a real gift. "

An option worth knowing about – how to use talent testing in practice?

To systematically identify personal talents, it's worth using tools like the StrengthsFinder test (Gallup). However, it's not just about taking the test, but about practically utilizing its results in coaching and daily collaboration:

Encourage the team: Suggest that team members take the test as a tool for development and self-discovery, not as an assessment.
Discuss the results 1:1: Devote a separate session to discussing each employee's top 5 talents. Ask the following questions: "Which of these talents resonates with you most?" "In what work situations do you use it most often?" "How can we better utilize this talent in your current projects?"
Include in feedback: Refer to identified talents in regular feedback. Instead of saying, "Good job," say, "You used your analytical talents brilliantly to find key data in this report."

Tool #4 - Discovering Limiting Beliefs.

When to use.

A team member is based on assumptions that may hold him back or someone on his team. To notice when someone is stuck with a limiting belief, be alert to the following phrases:

"I can not"
"It's not for me"
"I will never be able to ..."

or some other phrase that sounds both negative and constant.

A common approach to solving someone's problem.

If you've taken this approach, most often you will say:

"It's not true"
"Don't think of yourself that way"

Why use business coaching and the "manager as a coach" style instead.

Limiting beliefs are often deeply ingrained and unconscious. Merely expressing disagreement with them does not help the other person to change permanently. Instead, coaching can be used so that, first, it becomes aware of the existence of such beliefs, and second, it voluntarily moves to the step of converting an existing belief into one that will serve it better.

How to apply this tool.

Step 1; Start with naming

When you notice that your direct report has a limiting belief, ask him:

"What is the assumption behind this?"
"On what basis do you think so?"
"What makes you think that about yourself?"

Help them name it and even write it down. For example: "I'm too shy to be a leader."

Step 2: Help them separate facts from interpretations

Observations are things we see and hear or what we feel in our bodies. Interpretations are the meaning we give to these observations. We can break them apart and notice that our interpretations do not necessarily follow what we observe in the real world.

For example, your direct report says he gets frustrated when he has to speak up at team meetings. And when it finally does, it speaks quietly and uses a lot of "filler" words. This causes team members not to take his ideas seriously. And they interpret it in such a way that he will never be a great leader.

In this case, you can ask very simple, yet extremely effective questions from the NVC (Non-Violent Communication) method:

What do you see? What are you hearing?
What do you feel?
What do you need the most right now?
What would you like to ask for at this point? (also yourself)

What is the undeniable fact, and what the interpretation you have added to the situation?

Often, the effective identification of a limiting belief, and above all its source (i.e. where it came from), is already an extremely liberating experience that unlocks new internal resources and radically changes the way you think about yourself and the outside world.

Step 3: Go to the reformulation

Brainstorm alternative narratives that are more positive and helpful. One way to do this is to switch from negative language to positive language.

For example, your direct report changes the original narrative from "I'm too shy to be a leader" to "Because of X, I want to practice my public speaking skills, so I feel better prepared, speak more and more at meetings, and get closer and closer to your purpose. "

Identifying your inner cause, and your true inner motivation plays a huge role here.

When NOT to use business coaching?

Applying coaching to every situation is a common mistake made by novice managers . While it's a powerful tool, its misuse can do more harm than good. The key is knowing when to switch to a different management style, such as directive, mentoring, or instructional.

Here are the key situations where coaching is not recommended:

The employee needs explanations. He seeks understanding.

Imagine that your direct report wants to understand the organization's strategy and KPIs to know how their work contributes to the bigger picture. In this situation, it would be frustrating and frustrating to start coaching and putting the question back to a member of your team. A member of the team would probably think right away, “You ask ME, what's the strategy ?! "

On the other hand, it would certainly be helpful if the manager, after explaining the strategy and indicators, would ask open-ended questions in order to obtain feedback from his direct subordinate:

"What else could I tell you to fully answer your question?"
"How do you feel about the team's goals in relation to strategy now?"
"From your point of view, what could be the biggest blind spots in our strategy?"

You are dealing with an urgent problem of high importance.

If getting something good is crucial and urgent and the responsibility for a member of your team is too great, coaching is not appropriate. You need to jump in, make a decision, or show a clear direction and be precise about your expectations. Your team members can still learn by watching your instructions and how you handle an urgent situation.

It is essential that you provide your feedback.

Coaching does not replace clear, practical feedback, but it can make the feedback more effective. And most of all, it can significantly affect the openness and readiness of your subordinate to receive feedback.

If you see opportunities for developing a member of your team, share your opinion directly. Then add an open and honest question to deepen your understanding of the opinion or brainstorm together the next steps.

For example: “I have noticed that in management meetings you blend in with others to answer questions about your area. I would like you to be the owner of these questions and to demonstrate your knowledge. What do you think would be needed for that? How can I support you in this? "

You are training a less experienced team member.

Coaching is most effective when a team member already has basic competencies in the task. If a member of your team does not have the basic skills - may be new or is undertaking a project beyond their area of expertise - start with instruction and mentoring.

For example, if a member of your team is giving a presentation to senior management for the first time, it's helpful to share advice on how to formulate your points and structure your slides. You can also add open-ended questions to help him reflect on this lesson:

How are you dealing with this new skill?
What did you like?
What was the challenge?
Where do you want to go deeper?

Once they understand the basics, you can spend more time coaching them to help them grow on their own.

You are managing someone who is having trouble achieving the expected results.

A direct report who does not meet the basic expectations of his role needs clear expectations about what is necessary in order for him to be considered as having improved. Empathy is important, but asking too many open-ended questions will not ensure success. In such situations, take a more directive approach.

How to begin practicing "Leader as a coach" style?

Mastering new coaching tools will take time and has to be systematic and consistent. If you want to introduce new techniques to your manager tool repertoire, please keep the following guidelines in mind.

"Start small"

Start with small steps and at the beginning only think about one step you can take to integrate coaching into your management approach. It can be as simple as asking a few open and sincere questions in your meetings 1: 1 this week. Then, over the next two weeks, start rolling out the Expected Result Adjustment tool. And then in the weeks that follow, more caching tools we discussed above.

Make your intentions clear to the team

It can be shocking for team members to notice that you have suddenly radically changed your approach to management. So, explain the context for this change. Let them know that you want to develop yourself and are trying a new approach by introducing more coaching practices into your collaboration.

Ask for feedback and correct your approach

Create a feedback collection plan. Talk openly about what works well and what your coworkers would like to see more or less. Set up regular meetings in your calendars and don't give up on them for anything in the world.

Be understanding and patient with yourself

Everything we do for the first time is imperfect by definition. It's not even optimal. So, not always and not all will go well. After all, that's how experience is gained, and we learn the most from mistakes. Sometimes you ask a question that is missed. Or you will conduct an option exploration session that won't actually lead to a viable solution. All right. Be patient and keep trying. Good management is a practice that we should improve every day.

Ask a more experienced person for support

And once you catch the bug, think about inviting an experienced coach to cooperate with you. Let him become YOUR COACH. Experiencing the Coachee's perspective can prove invaluable in developing your skills as a Coach. Besides, by watching a professional in action, you can benefit a lot from his/her workshop and experience.

A final reflection on coaching management skills in a company.

Finally, I would like to invite you to reflect on the following sentence:

"Coaching is a skill, and being a manager is a role."

In other words, sometimes you become a manager. And once the coaching skill is constantly developed it becomes your asset, which you can use not only at work but in any area of your life.

We haven't mentioned it explicitly, but coaching starts with being able to listen well. And only when you listen you can learn something new.

I also encourage you to download a free ebook entitled "The Engaging Leader Questions Library".

You can find it at the link below:

Engaging Leadership.

There you will find specific techniques and methods that ensure psychological safety. This ebook in pdf format is getting very flattering reviews, especially from middle and senior managers. There you will also find, among other things, a special section on leader self-development.

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