How to Find a Female Mentor and Build a Relationship?

Ryszard Skarbek
5 days ago
5 min read

Female Mentor - how to find one and build a good relationship

The research on the effectiveness of mentoring is pretty straightforward: people with a mentor perform better, advance their careers faster, and even report greater job and life satisfaction. People who share their experience and knowledge also benefit.

After all, “ to teach others is to learn twice .” And yet, despite all these benefits, and even though 76% of working professionals find such support extremely helpful in their professional and personal development, over 54% do not have such a relationship.

The problem is that today’s business female leaders don’t know how to find a female mentor or build a good relationship. The eight steps we present in this article can help solve this problem.

Female Mentor: What does that mean?

The dictionary definition says that a female mentor is an authority figure, i.e., a woman who is wise, experienced, and respected as an advisor and guardian.

In turn, the ward is referred to as a "mentee" in English.

How to find a Female Mentor and establish a good relationship with her?

Here are some tips for finding a mentor on your own and building a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.

1. Define your mentoring goals and specific needs

Take out a pen and paper and write out your career goals. Please, make sure they are SMART. Then, list some of the biggest obstacles to achieving them. This specification will help you decide what kind of mentor you should seek out.

Maybe you need to develop new skills, expand your network in a specific sector, or build the confidence to have difficult conversations?

First, you understand where you want to be and identify your biggest opportunities and obstacles, and then you determine how this wise person can help you.

2. Write a “job description” for your ideal advisor

Armed with your goals and what you need to achieve them, think calmly and describe her profile. Be specific here. Maybe you need someone to help you implement a project, introduce you to people at a certain level in a particular industry, or guide you through difficult negotiations?

Make sure to include your “why” in your job description—for example, why you’ll use mentoring to do something bigger. Then, when you reach out to potential mentors, you’ll include that description. This will help them understand why you’re looking for support and make them more willing to help (see the information in steps 4 and 5).

3. Search for the right people in your second-degree network

A mentor can come from anywhere. They can be from your LinkedIn network, professional contacts, or people you meet at conferences. It’s important to remember that while women today are certainly busy, asking to be a mentor is a huge compliment.

The chosen candidate may refuse, but it will be a positive test, and you should not be afraid or ashamed of it. Even if you think that there is no way this person will find time for you, let her judge. You may experience a pleasant surprise.

4. Ask the woman of your choice (and keep it simple)

Asking someone to mentor you for the first, second, or even third time is a little awkward. Chances are you’ve never been asked to mentor someone else, nor have you been taught how to ask for it yourself. Accept the uncomfortable feeling and be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to ask, but be patient. Start by asking someone for an initial interview and ask about their work and interests. Once you get to know each other better, if there’s a match, follow up with a personal mentoring request. Asking someone for mentoring support via a long email is not the best idea.

5. Organize the first meeting

You have two goals for your first interview. First, you need to determine if the person you’ve initially selected is a good fit for you. Then, find out if they’re even open to the mentoring idea. How you approach the interview is up to you, but in general, here are a few things you can do:

Make it easy for the person. Go to a place that is convenient for them, set up coffee (or tea), prepare, and make the meeting stress-free and comfortable.
Take the time to get to know the person. Listen more than you talk. The ratio could be 70/30.
Finally, ask clearly, “I enjoyed this conversation. Would it be OK for you to contact me again in a month after I’ve made some progress toward my goals?”
Say thank you, then follow up with an email to reiterate your thanks.

6. Start straight

Please, keep it simple for the second meeting and build on the first. Once the mentor confirms the next meeting after this conversation, follow up with an email later with a proposed agenda and a suggestion for a long-term relationship.

Something like: "I hope that at our next meeting we will be happy to expand on our last conversation. I will come prepared with some suggestions for topics that I think you can help me with."

7. Create a structured accountability process using a mentoring contract

After a few simple conversations, try asking a more formal question: Would you be willing to meet with me once a month for the next six months until I achieve my goal or solve my problem?

If so, consider creating a simple, one-page document that outlines what you’ll accomplish together over the six months of mentoring. While this may seem a bit excessive, it will help both you and your mentor to be clear about the purpose of the relationship. It will also help you set a clear agenda for each meeting. You could suggest this by saying:

"I value your time and want to make sure I use it to the best of my ability. I could put together a simple document outlining my goals, my commitment to you, and the milestones I hope to achieve as a mentee in the next three months. I think this kind of preparation will motivate me and help me take responsibility for my part in our relationship. What do you think?"

8. Follow up regularly and say thank you

After each meeting, you should send a thank you. In addition, when the mentoring contract ends, you should thank me again for everything. Once, a mentee forwarded me an email two years after our collaboration, describing the wonderful changes in her professional and personal life. "This made my whole week!" And thanks to this, I was also able to establish new and interesting contacts. So remember that even after the cooperation ends, you can always ask your confidante for a favor. Just don't forget to show due gratitude!