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The Art of Assertiveness – Master Class 3

The Art of Assertiveness Master Class 3-Empowerment Coaching Krakow

The moment has come for the "grand finale" of this series, and therefore a story about an Adult.

You can read about the Child and Parent in episodes one and two. However, before we start - one digression. I hope that in this way I encourage you to comment on this post 😀 It is said that we guys have a lot of trouble growing up. Either we are incessant Peter Pans or we assume the role of a brutal macho, in which, however, there are more hidden fears than real courage and determination.

And while one management authority said that "there is more tradition than wisdom in traditional wisdom," I think there is something in this case. Nevertheless, I humbly surrender myself to the judgment of the ladies and am waiting for your comment 😏

And now about the role of an Adult and an Adult at work - regardless of gender.


Adult as a guide

The Adult is the most mature form of contact with the world. Adult reacts to the here and now. He acts straightforwardly, with no illusions. He sees reality without an emotional filter. In the professional world, it is best to function as an Adult.

An Adult can separate facts from opinions. Asks clear questions and expresses himself clearly. He is factual and to the point. Focused on learning, he verifies what he sees and hears. He collects data, analyzes it, and processes it calmly and coolly. And not only data from the outside world: An Adult is a kind of a guide, an interpreter between other roles. He connects the needs of the Child and the Parent's standards. And he makes use of them.

- Decisions made by an adult have the best chance of success - says psychologist Katarzyna Platowska. - But unfortunately, there are no perfect Adults, there is always an Adult mixed with a Child or a Parent.

We feel safest in the company of the latter. We have a better time in the company of the first one. And the perfect, most effective dialogue is when two Adults contact each other.

Adult, unlike Child and Parent, has no negative aspect.

However, when an Adult does not have a bit of a Child in him, he is stiff, cannot rest, puts responsibilities over pleasure, is painstakingly businesslike and it is not pleasant to be with him.

- An Adult is a platform from which we should choose "representation" for contact with others - the psychologist advises. - When we want to talk about norms, but the interlocutor is, for example, in the state of a Child and responds with emotional level, speaking to an Adult is pointless. In such a situation, it is better to choose a contact from the Parent Me level. In this way, we have a chance to reach the interlocutor, because he will most likely answer from the Child's level, and this way we will create a parallel transaction.

Make an effort to usually present yourself as an Adult to an Adult. However, when someone is in the state of a Child, present yourself as the Normative Parent (when you need to bring them to order) or the Guardian Parent (when you need to give them a sense of security).

It is better for a Rebellious Child to answer as the second Child, and then to transfer the burden of contact to another plane (start by talking about feelings and move on to talking about facts).

The other Parent or Adult will get along best with the Parent, although often when someone speaks to us from the Parent's position, our Child turns on.


This is how we reached the end of the story about the Child-Parent-Adult model. I would also like to add that in my opinion, the effective method of communication, especially at work, is largely influenced by the generation of our interlocutor. People from Generation X communicate completely differently than those from Generation Y or Generation Z. More on this topic in one of the next posts.

The author of 3 articles published here in the series entitled Assertiveness Coaching - Master Class, is Agata Domańska, a sociologist and journalist. They were originally published in the bimonthly "The Meaning".

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