Why can some people easily empathize with others' emotional states and recognize their way of thinking, while others seem completely indifferent?
The secret lies in highly developed empathy - an extraordinary ability, one of the most fascinating and essential features of the human experience, influencing our relationships, social behavior, and overall individual and social development.
We invite you to a journey through the fascinating world of empathy, where we will discover what it is, how this ability shapes us as social beings, and how we can develop it to create a more supportive and understanding environment for all of us.
What is empathy - definition
Empathy is the ability to understand and empathize with emotions and see the perspective of other people.
Brené Brown, an American psychologist, and writer, points out that empathy is " the desire to feel with another person ", and " understanding their inner world ", it is " connection ". This short video by Brené Brown perfectly illustrates it:
Empathy helps us understand the emotions and needs of others, as well as express support and interest in what they are going through. It is a cognitive ability that allows us to learn the motives behind others' behavior.
It is the foundation of our mental health, positively influences our relationships with others, and builds interpersonal bonds. It is an essential element of social development.
Who is an empathetic person: what does it mean?
The following beautiful quote by Carl Rogers explains a lot:
"Being empathetic is seeing the world through the eyes of another, not seeing your own reflected in their eyes"
Here are the characteristics of empathetic people:
Listening skills: they can listen actively and attentively, giving others the feeling that they are significant; such listening is the ability to make space within themselves for someone else's story.
Non-judgmental: They usually avoid judging others and try to understand them without judging them. "I listen to you and I believe you."
Empathy: They can put themselves in another person's perspective, understanding other feelings and experiences.
Openness to diversity, promoting tolerance: they appreciate cultural, social, and individual diversity, which allows them to avoid prejudices and stereotypes; they are aware that it is possible to feel different emotions and experience various situations; they are ready to accept this diversity.
Sensitivity to the needs of others: they are usually sensitive to the needs and suffering of other individuals, and ready to provide support and help.
Conflict Resolution: They often strive for harmony and good relationships. They are more willing to communicate, negotiate, and look for win-win solutions, which can help to defuse tensions, improve interpersonal relationships, and reduce aggressive behavior.
Such people play a crucial role in building a better, more understanding, and supportive world, in which people are ready to support and respect each other.
Empathy makes it easier to connect with others. That promotes harmonious social interactions and interpersonal relationships.
Sources of empathy - where does it come from?
Neurobiological and neuropsychological studies show that the empathic response is the result of information processing by mirror neurons, a group of nerve cells located in the motor cortex of the frontal lobe and the parietal cortex. Their uniqueness lies in allowing the interpretation of behavior observed in others through real stimulation, which gives rise to empathy.
Empathy is a natural trait of every human being. Without it, we would not be able to build relationships in society. Even infants feel empathy long before their first birthday.
Empathy and relationships help meet the need for belonging, which is at the center of Maslow's famous pyramid of needs.
But what causes people to have such varying levels of empathy?
First, empathy is caused by neural connections in our brains, and these can affect how empathetic we are. Studies indicate that impaired neural connections are associated with violence, psychopathy, antisocial behavior, or lack of empathy.
Empathy is often the result of the interaction of many different factors. Its development is a complex and gradual process that is shaped by various experiences throughout our lives.
Psychology distinguishes the following three sources responsible for building the level of empathy in a person.
BIOLOGICAL PREDISPOSITIONS: these are primarily hereditary traits. Studies show that our genes are responsible for a given level of empathy by as much as 50 percent.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PREDISPOSITIONS: these are childhood experiences, including the way of attachment that we managed to develop in early childhood. These are the relationships and patterns that prevailed and prevail in our families. Children who learn from an early age to identify and express emotions, are raised with a sense of responsibility for others, and experience empathy from their caregivers, have a greater chance of developing this ability.
ENVIRONMENTAL PREDISPOSITIONS: This valuable competence can also be acquired through observation, modeling, and learning from others. Social norms and cultural values also play a crucial role in shaping the empathy level. Cultures promoting care and understanding for others are superior to cultures focusing on the individual.
Remember that empathy can be developed and strengthened through various strategies and actions. We will write more about this later in the article.
Empathy for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
The high level of empathy and the ability to empathize that is characteristic of WWOs causes them to become more involved in the affairs of others more quickly and deeply. WWOs feel emotions intensely. In response to a range of pleasant and painful triggers, they experience strong feelings (both positive and negative).
HSPs are very empathetic and greatly influenced by the moods of others. Their brains have a greater number and a higher activity of mirror neurons, which are responsible for the level of feeling greater empathy and help them to know the intentions of others. EWW not only guess how someone is feeling, but to some extent, they feel the same way as that person because they are often sensitive to subtle social cues such as tone of voice, body gestures, and facial expression. Thanks to this, they unerringly recognize the emotions and needs of others.
For more information on Highly Sensitive People, please see the article Highly Sensitive People.
How to develop empathetic communication NVC (Nonviolent Communication)
Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of the Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also addresses the topic of empathy in his work. His book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, has become a classic in the field of communication and conflict resolution.
In the context of NVC, empathy is a key element in building deep understanding and supporting authentic communication between people.
Rosenberg describes it as the ability to empathize with another person's feelings and emotions, needs, and perspectives, without judging, criticizing, or interpreting. His approach to communication involves listening in such a way as to understand what the other person is experiencing. His insightful quotes reflect this.
“Empathy is a respectful understanding of another person’s experience”
He also emphasizes that empathy requires authentic presence and responsibility, focusing all attention on the interlocutor and being ready to understand their inner experience. Everything depends on our ability to be present in the present moment. We are with the interlocutor, present in the space of their experiences.
"Empathy: Emptying Your Mind and Listening with Your Whole Being."
It often happens, that instead of empathy, we present a strong desire to give advice, encourage, console, or express an opinion.
“Before you give advice or encouragement, ask first.”
Rosenberg adds that we cannot give someone what we don't have ourselves. Compassion is like a bridge that connects us to others. To offer empathy to others, we need it ourselves. When we feel like we are getting defensive, we should use one of the strategies to first show support to ourselves.
Please think about what has caused your decreased abilities. Fatigue? A difficult period in life? Stress? Stop, talk to someone who knows and understands you, rest.
Types of empathy as elements of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence consists of several key elements that allow you to understand, control, and express your feelings, as well as read the emotions of those around you. One of its main components is empathy. Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, and author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence, emphasizes its importance as a key element of this type of intelligence because it allows you to build healthy relationships and effectively cooperate with them.
Goleman divides it into emotional and cognitive empathy and distinguishes as follows:
Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand the other party's point of view, to look at reality from their perspective;
Emotional empathy is the ability to feel another person's emotions.
According to Goleman, it grows out of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to understand one's mental state. It is the awareness of what is happening inside us. In turn, the more open we are to our own emotions, the better we read the feelings of others.
Self-awareness, which is the ability to notice and understand what we are feeling in a given moment, is also the foundation of emotional intelligence. All the warmer relationships with others that underlie caring for them result from emotional attunement, or the ability to empathize.
Goleman argues that the key to sensing another person's emotions is not so much verbal expression but the ability to read nonverbal signals: tone of voice, gesture, or facial expression. A person's true emotions are influenced not by what they say, but by how they say it. Communication studies have shown that 90 percent or more of emotions are transmitted through nonverbal channels.
How is empathy different from compassion?
Empathy and compassion are often used interchangeably, but they differ in the way we respond to someone else's suffering or difficulties. There is a lively debate about these differences.
As we already know, empathy allows us to put ourselves in someone else's situation or perspective, focus on them, and see things from their point of view, in an objective way.
An empathetic person can feel with someone, rather than against someone.
Sympathy is rather about taking on the other person's feelings and identifying with them. It can be manifested through actions such as providing support, comforting, or offering help. It is an emotional response that evokes a desire to alleviate someone's pain or misfortune. It means caring, but Wojciech Eichelberger notes that:
The seemingly sweet and beautiful compassion can be tainted with pity and actually costs us little. We express it to feel better by focusing on the "I".
The goal of empathy is to step into another person's shoes - not to be in a superior position. And this is sometimes the problem of compassion when we say: How poor you are; I feel so sorry for you, and at the same time we think: It is good that I am different; It is good that does not apply to me. So, compassion does not necessarily require the understanding of someone else’s situation.
To sum up this topic, compassion puts us in a sense higher, while empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes.
How Empathy Too Strong Works
Empathy must be used healthily and consciously. Here are some examples of its abuse:
Emotional manipulation: People with high empathy can fall victim to manipulation by others who take advantage of their ability to empathize with the needs and feelings of others to gain their benefits. In this situation, codependency can occur in the relationship. An empathetic person sacrifices their own needs to help the other person. However, some people use their ability to empathize to manipulate others, faking appropriate behavior to achieve their goals.
Burnout: People working in helping professions based on serving people often experience burnout. Excessive involvement in the problems and suffering of others can lead to mental exhaustion. Helping professionals experience fatigue and burden, which results in distancing from patients and treating them as objects.
Burnout due to similar overload can also affect business leaders. Leaders with strong empathy can over-involve themselves in the problems of their subordinates. This effort can lead to fatigue from excessive care, further burnout, and ... a decrease in empathy. Some employees may tend to take advantage of the boss's care, hoping for lasting support and relief from more demanding tasks. Therefore, an empathetic leader must care of themselves and their mental well-being. While caring for others, leaders cannot give up on themselves.
Imbalance between empathy and self-awareness: Excessive levels can lead to neglecting one's needs and violation of one's boundaries. Well-being is sacrificed for the sake of others, which can lead to exhaustion, burnout, frustration, and dissatisfaction with life.
Selective empathy: There may also be a tendency to selectively show empathy only towards selected people or social groups, which may lead to exclusion or discrimination against others.
Empathy can be exhausting. Especially in a situation that requires constant attention, it is worth remembering that it draws from our energy resources - especially emotional and mental ones. Empathy requires concentration, self-control, and a willingness to show it. An overly empathetic person often fails to put their needs first, and when they finally do, they feel guilty.
In summary, it is desirable in many professions where a person cannot cope without empathy. However, it is crucial to practice empathy balanced with the ability to set boundaries so that we can use this ability with mindfulness and responsibility.
What does a lack of empathy mean?
The opposite of empathy is self-centeredness.
Egocentrism means focusing solely on oneself (feelings, thoughts, and needs) while failing to notice them in others. An egocentric is a person who thinks that everything revolves around them, who sees the world only from their perspective and the perspective of their own goals. They cannot imagine, let alone experience, the feelings of others, such as subordinates. An egocentric is often focused solely on their career.
According to psychologists, people with lower levels of empathy usually grow up with a sense of impunity and a lack of responsibility for others.
Lack of empathy in a social context is a negative phenomenon. It leads to indifference, problems in interpersonal relationships, difficulties in resolving conflicts, and even resorting to forceful solutions. As you can see, empathetic abilities are crucial for a child's social and emotional development, which is why parents need to pay attention to this from an early age.
In a society where this ability is promoted and valued, there may be a greater tendency to cooperate, understand, and support each other. In turn, low levels of empathy can lead to social conflict, discrimination, and exclusion.
Can empathy be learned? Ways to develop empathy.
Empathy can be practiced and developed. Above all, working on self-awareness is very important here, by identifying our feelings, how our body reacts to what happens to us and what we feel then, and where our thoughts wander.
Here are some exercise suggestions and tips to strengthen empathy:
Active listening: show interest in your interlocutor through attentiveness, look into their eyes, and show them that you are following them. It is crucial not only to listen but also to hear. Be present and focused on what they are saying, avoid thinking about yourself, and stop preparing your answers. Ask questions, paraphrase, and do not judge.
Practicing Gratitude: Reflect daily on what you are grateful for today. Keep a gratitude journal. Gratitude creates new neural pathways and sets us up to capture more of the positive in our reality.
Developing self-awareness: stop during the day and listen to your body and breathing; feel what your emotions are at a given moment and how they affect you. Practice mindfulness – practicing mindfulness helps you better understand yourself and your thoughts. Be open to various forms of support such as therapy, coaching, or mentoring: you can receive tools and perspective that will help you better know yourself and your feelings, and significantly accelerate your personal development.
Taking the perspective of another person: imagine yourself in another person's situation, what do you feel, what do you think, what do you need?
Consistently and consciously building your empathy level is crucial to your ultimate success. It’s a process that takes time, effort, and openness. Be patient. You’ll gain better self-knowledge, openness to the experiences of others, stronger relationships, and better mental health.
How to develop empathy in children
Adults often consider empathy a sign of weakness and inhibit such reactions in children. What's more, the thinking of children at preschool and early school age is associated with the so-called egocentricity of thinking, or the lack of awareness that there may be a perspective different from ours. Therefore, especially in crises, when a child hits another child, it is worth asking them how they would feel in their place. At such a moment, it is worth emphasizing clearly that such behavior hurts the other child.
It is also worth working with children from an early age to help the sick, the poor, and the lonely. Group work, especially team sports of all kinds, has a significant influence on the empathy level.
Taking in an animal also helps develop empathy. Pets, especially cats and dogs, can wonderfully sense the well-being of their owner (and even illness!) and, in this way, very effectively teach children sensitivity to others.
Summary: What should you remember about empathy?
In a globalized and dynamic world and the context of uncertainty, the ability to think and act empathetically is becoming increasingly valuable. In the face of constant change, fear, and uncertainty about the future, empathy allows us to better cope with ambiguity, build supportive interpersonal relationships, strengthen mental resilience, and increase openness to diversity, including neurodiversity, which we write about in a separate article.
It is not only the ability to understand others but also the key to building a better world. Let us remember that empathy is the ability to understand others, which we can develop and cultivate throughout our lives. Let us practice it because it benefits not only others, strengthens our relationships and gives us a sense of community. Let us practice it every day and see the beauty in the diversity of our experiences.
Bibliography:
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication, 3rd Expanded Edition.
Elaine N. Aron (2017). Highly Sensitive People: How to Thrive in an Overwhelming World.
See also:
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