Today we present a review of another book that is worth reading at least once in your life. This time it will be an international bestseller with a foreword by Marshall Goldsmith, who is considered one of the best executive coaches in the world.
Book title and author: "Change Your Questions. Change Your Life", Marilee Adams
Subtitle: 12 Powerful Tools for Leadership, Coaching and Life.
1. What is this book about
Every day we all ask ourselves questions such as: What should I wear? What should I do with my life? The type of questions we ask can have a significant impact on our attitude toward ourselves, our relationships with people, and our careers. Asking questions incorrectly can be the source of many problems - both professional and personal.
The form of the book is a business novel. The author tells an interesting and instructive story that holds the key to quickly recognizing harmful questions that appear in our heads and then come out of our mouths. It instructs how to transform them to obtain the right, surprisingly positive results.
The author describes the adventures of manager Ben, a successful man who learned the system at the crossroads of his life, being at the same time a frustrated manager determined to leave the company and a husband hiding his professional failures from his wife. Thanks to his boss, Ben finds a trainer who explains step by step how the system works. Using the concept of QUESTION THINKING, the young manager learns step by step to listen to people, starts asking questions, and eventually gets promoted, becomes a charismatic leader, and improves his relationship with his wife.
The third edition of this international bestseller contains even more than the previous two, with a new introduction and a new epilogue. At the end of the book, we have 12 inspiring and simple tools or tips that will make the presented material even more accessible and practical. This book improves coaching and leadership skills, changes the way we approach problems, and triggers a new way of thinking, and a new understanding of cooperation and communication. The methods described apply to all areas of our lives.
2. Who is this book primarily for?
My first answer is: for everyone.
If you want to have good relationships with yourself and the people around you, want to start achieving success, develop your business, learn to think in solution terms, reach for the book, and start by asking the right questions.
I recommend this book to coaches, mentors, psychologists, leaders, managers, and entrepreneurs. The book will be an inspiring proposal for people who work with people daily, and for people who want to improve interpersonal communication and interpersonal relationships. If you are a leader, Question Thinking will help you broaden your perspective and motivate employees to take action. Reach for this book if self-development and improving communication with others are important to you.
3. What are the main advantages of this book
The main advantage of this book is the style in which it is written. This is not a typical guide. It is a guide in the form of a business story, with characters and a plot in the background. It has a light style, it is easy, quick, and pleasant to read. At the same time, it invites reflection, inspires, raises important issues, and stimulates a change of attitude. The text contains thoughts and reflections highlighted in the frame, which allow you to stop and take a moment to reflect. At the end of the book, some tools can be used for further work.
4. The reviewer's opinion of the book "Change Your Questions. Change Your Life"
Above all, the book increased my mindfulness. I realized that we are constantly asking ourselves some questions and how important it is what those questions are. Questions influence the way we act, the results we achieve, and what our relationships look like. By changing the types of questions I ask myself and others, I can change my life to be more conscious and improve my relationships to be more effective.
“Change starts with who wants change.”
We may not influence what happens, but we decide how we respond. A very useful tool here is the Choice Map. I printed it right after reading the book and placed it in a visible place. The Choice Map can be downloaded from the Website Authentic Talent. It's worth having it on hand. It allows you to reflect and work on yourself. Using the Choice Map, the author visualizes two approaches, with two paths - the Learner and the Judge. By following the first path, you choose, you act actively, and you have a chance to better use your own and others' potential; in the judger's path, you are merely reacting to what has already happened.
In the book, you can find many examples of both categories of questions, which help us understand what path we are on at a given moment and what question patterns we use daily. The Judge looks for the guilty, gives opinions, and thinks he knows the solution. The Learner is curious and looks for new opportunities. He wants to hear other perspectives and does not judge.
Sample Judge's questions:
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with her/him?
Who's fault is it?
How can I prove I'm right?
Why are they so stupid?
And now some sample Learner's questions:
What do I value about myself?
What do I value about him/her?
Am I a responsible person?
What can I learn?
What do they think, and feel, what do they want?
I took with me questions from Ben - the main character of the book:
What assumptions am I making?
How else can I think about it?
What does the other person think, feel, and want?
I also remembered to be understanding and kind to myself:
"Accept the attitude of a judge, but strongly practice the attitude of a learner."
Nobody is perfect. Sometimes each of us judges and tries to prove ourselves right. Everyone has a judger inside them and you have to accept it. The key here is mindfulness and self-observation. If we see that we have entered the judger's path, we can react and consciously choose what we want to do about it. How do we recognize when we are on the judger's path? It's best to pause for a few minutes and observe yourself. The book contains many exercises.
The book also became an inspiration and opened a new perspective for one of my clients with whom I worked in the mentoring process. It was an interesting discovery for her and helped her a lot in the business reality she found herself in.
5. Evaluation of the book "The Mastery of Love" on a scale of 1-10
I rate the book 9. The book is easy and quick to read, inspires and stimulates change, and contains a lot of practical tips and tools that can be used immediately. For me, the greatest discovery is the Choice Map, which can be downloaded from the website, printed, and placed in a visible place. I subtract one point for the slightly American style.
6. A few words about Marilee Adams, the author of the book
Dr. Marilee Adams is an author, executive coach, director of an advisory and training group, public speaker and business consultant, founder and president of the Inquiry Institute, and originator of the "question thinking" method. Author of books related to the professional use of the art of asking questions. She gives lectures and seminars on the tool she developed, the choice map. The first edition of this book was published in the United States in 2004, and on the Polish publishing market in 2007.
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