Mr. Smith came home from work. Already at the doorstep, his wife asks him:
- Have you been to your boss today?
- I was!
- And you slammed your fist on the table?
- I hit it!
- And you asked for a raise!
- I asked!
- And what does the boss say?
- Today he was on a delegation ...
Two friends are talking:
- What do you think about Robert, can he keep a secret?
- Oh, yes, he is a very discreet man. He got a raise last year, and his wife still doesn't know it to this day.
On communication in marriage
Two buddies are talking:
- You know, Tom, I think I will divorce my wife. She got terribly cranky. For half a year I have been bored with the same thing.
- What about?
- For me to put the Christmas tree in the trash.
About a cut riposte
The mother-in-law came to the Turner family. She knocks on the door, but no one answers. The mother-in-law is sure that the son-in-law will not let her in, so she exclaims:
- Open up, you rascal! I know you're home because your sneakers are on the doorstep!
A calm voice says from behind the door:
- Don't let your mom get smart, I could have walked in sandals.
About disappointed trust
- Today you can not believe anyone - a worker on the construction site complains to his colleague.
The foreman said he would come at ten, and he had been here since morning!
About the weaknesses
Mr. Carpener is applying for a job at a construction site. The recruiter asks him:
- What are your weaknesses? Do you drink alcohol, for example?
- Oh no, sir. Drinking alcohol is definitely not my weakness!
About risk management
The dentist bends over the patient and is about to start drilling, suddenly freezes and asks distrustfully:
"Is it just my imagination or are you keeping your hand on my penis?"
Patient for it:
- It's just a little safety net. Because it's not about hurting ourselves, is it, doctor?