How often do you ask yourself: what is important to me in life?
How well do you know the answer to this question?
I think this question is very important, and finding a sincere answer is even more important. If something is important to us, we devote time to it. And what results we get in our life depends very much on what we devote our time to.
If we do not devote attention, time, and energy to something, it means that "this thing" is not important to us and therefore does not represent our VALUE.
The Role of Values in human life
You can sometimes hear that someone "doesn't have any values". However, sticking to the definition presented above, I believe that this is not possible. No matter who you are, we will always find "that something" that is important to you.
The trick is whether you are aware of what values you follow. I also believe that we create our Life, and its shape largely depends on what values we profess and which of them are conscious and which are not.
A closer look at this topic can lead us to very interesting discoveries:
e.g. the answer to the question of why something happens to us regularly that we do not want (part of this thread may be called "bad luck"),
·understand why we respond differently to certain situations or individuals
identify our internal conflicts (and, for example, understand why we feel bad about it after making a choice, although we have made the best efforts to make the best possible decision)
Why is this so? Because our personal values are filters based on which, we create our inner picture of reality.
Also our image of ourselves. Well worked they become a compass that gracefully guides us through life.
Our brain works in such a way that it filters, removes, distorts, and generalizes information that comes to us from outside and inside us. So let's devote a few words to each of the above-mentioned interfaces through which the information passes.
Personal Values act as filters causing the Removal
We automatically delete the information that comes to us because there is too much of it at once to accept it all.
When you read this text, you are probably exposed to many external stimuli, but to be able to focus on reading - you block them, remove them...
I am asking for a good understanding of this example in the wider context of our life. This removal or blocking process is usually done automatically, or unknowingly. Based on mechanisms and habits that we have developed in different periods of our lives (more on this in the next episodes).
So the less we are aware of what we focus our attention on, the more things in life we can miss. And there's a great chance that things that we don't want will happen to us more often.
Personal Values act as filters causing Distortion
We distort the information that reaches us because our brain has a strong need to create some correspondence between our inner map of reality and what we are really experiencing, or more precisely: what is really happening in the outside world.
The key to distortions is our values, beliefs, and habits. We interpret events so that they are consistent with our (so far) developed image of reality (and ourselves!).
Therefore, the point is to be aware of your own mechanisms or consciously use those that are beneficial and strengthening for us.
Let me give you an example: a belief like "I can do anything", "I can handle everything" is actually a distortion, because there is no such person on Earth who can do everything. But such a conviction is very helpful for us because it definitely helps to achieve what we want in Life (if we know what we want, but maybe on another occasion 🙂
Personal Values act as filters causing Generalizations
Without generalizing, we would have to re-learn everything from scratch. It is thanks to this mechanism that we are able to instantly classify individual events and assign them to the information already collected. The simplest example of generalization can be the concepts operated by a human being.
For example, a "tree". After all, there is no such thing in nature as "a tree in its pure form and form." There is a tree standing on our street (just called birch), and there are trees growing in the nearby forest (just called conifers) ... etc.
However, generalizations can also work against us if we are deceived by the tireless strength of our minds and unconsciously constructed beliefs.
Let me give you another example: we are giving a presentation at work. One of the listeners who are important to us stops paying attention to us and starts looking out the window. A "voice" is activated in our head, which starts a very interesting loop: "Why is he not listening to me? Is there something wrong with the content of the presentation? Too many details? Not enough details? Or maybe I chose the presentation style wrong? better prepare! If it goes on like this, I'll screw it up completely ... How could I screw it up SO? "
And the reason why the listener is looking out the window may have nothing to do with us. Maybe a fantastic girl is just walking over there? Or a guy 🙂
And now perhaps the most important part - the conscious and unconscious use of filters
The more we are unaware of our filters, the more Life happens to us. We have the impression that it is beyond our control and in the end, we do not feel responsible for it, not to mention the frustration that accompanies it.
But there is good news! You can learn to discover your unconscious filters and follow the path of your personal development to clean them more and more. It's not an easy process, but worthwhile. Because thanks to this, we take real control over ourselves and our own Life. We can then consciously decide how we react to individual external events.
After all, it is not the most important thing that happens, but how we react to it. We do not have and never will have influence over many situations. Hence, it is very helpful to learn to react in such a way that will not cause us unnecessary, unjustified pain. But the key again is awareness.
Can coaching help in this and how? About it in the next episodes ...