In previous episodes, we defined the concept of VALUES, wrote about how Distortions and Generalizations work, about when and what VALUES are formed in our lives, and how important it is whether we follow our own VALUES in life.
We often start our adult life with luggage that was "packed" during our childhood and youth. And we often do not realize how much this baggage has influenced our choices and our behavior. I myself went through many years of "cleaning" or getting rid of unnecessary ballast. Moreover, this process is still going on and I think it will last until the end of my days (unless I reach the level of "enlightenment" sooner 😇
It is no coincidence that VALUES are also one of the first threads that appeared on this blog. Because I believe deeply (and this is also my personal experience) that you first need to have strong, healthy foundations in order to be able to continue building successfully. If we don't "fumigate" the foundations, we can hang pink curtains in the windows, feng-shui bells in the door, etc. ... and in the house, there will be toxic energy anyway.
So today we summarize some practical rules that govern VALUES.
1. VALUES are hidden filters that determine what we focus our attention on in life.
So be aware of what VALUES you have. Otherwise, it's very likely that you don't know where you're going, and in that case, you will get… anywhere.
2. VALUES are the source of the deepest motivation. If something is in line with YOUR VALUE, you will feel a real inner motivation to achieve it.
3. VALUES are criteria we use to evaluate our actions or the actions of others (after the fact).
If you feel bad after making a decision (and you don't really know why?) - you have probably violated one of your VALUES. Also, be among your VALUES there are those that are in conflict (more on that later).
4. VALUES have their importance and are organized according to their importance. If you are able to organize your life so that you realize the first 5 most important VALUES in it - you are probably filled with inner peace 🧘
5. Our VALUES change over the years.
In fact, it would be better to write that VALUES change with our development. Naturally, different values are most important to us at different times in our lives. Everything also has its own sequence and time. If the first thing is not completed first, we cannot expect to close the second.
6. If two VALUES conflict, it may be that in one situation you will be motivated by one of them, in another a similar one by the other - resulting in conflicting results as well as vague guilt.
Some examples of common conflicts:
- career and freedom,
- freedom and family,
- sense of security and development
Conflict resolution can bring about extremely beneficial changes in our lives. For example, at some point, I quit my promotion in the company, although theoretically, it opened the "door to heaven". But first, I didn't want to spend my life working. Secondly, I could not agree that this promotion should take place on the terms and in the manner that it was offered to me.
7. Our beliefs group around our VALUES and support them. Therefore, solving a problem at the VALUE level very often comprehensively solves the difficulties associated with many negative beliefs. VALUES are what is important to us. Beliefs are descriptions of the principles by which what is important to us manifests itself in the world. VALUES are a way of organizing many beliefs around one topic. Therefore, VALUES directly influence our beliefs.
8. It is extremely important to formulate our VALUES positively. As something WE WANT MORE, not something WE WANT LESS. Something we want to go towards, not something we want to avoid. If we want to avoid something - we must focus our attention on it. So if we formulate our value as NO SUFFERING, our mind will lead us to SUFFERING.
One may ask, why should we automatically focus on avoiding something? This is what happens when we have had a strong negative emotional experience in our lives. Then the mechanism called "The world is dangerous, you have to be careful about this danger." However, in order to be able to follow this potential danger (and, if necessary, be able to defend ourselves against it quickly), we focus our attention on it - and in effect attract even more trouble.
Can coaching help? YES, definitely yes. Not only do I believe it, but I have also experienced it many times in coaching sessions. Working at the VALUE level brings far-reaching and LASTING changes. We stop deceiving ourselves, we become authentic, and we establish a real bond with ourselves. Everything simplifies, there comes inner peace. And the people around us suddenly notice that we have undergone some significant change. And they really want to know what really happened 🤔