Today a few words about how and when our VALUES are created.
Generally, we can distinguish 3 qualitatively different periods that have a very significant impact on our values:
years 0-7 - our childhood; in the context of values, this time can also be called the Imprint period
years 8-14 - the so-called Imitation
years 15-21 - period of the so-called Socializing
In each of these periods, we build ourselves in different areas and in different ways. This is how the foundation is created, which later, in our adult life, will either be our ally or a silent destructor.
During childhood, we are like a sponge. We absorb everything very easily. Both good and bad images and attitudes. As yet very innocent, spontaneous individuals, we are just shaping our first filters. That is why the role of parents is so important.
Children believe what they see - not what they hear. So if mom or dad will explain to the child what SHOULD be done to be happy, but will not be happy himself (a) - first, the child will follow the parent's actions rather than words. Secondly, there is little chance that she will go into the adult world as a happy person.
If at this time we do not receive a load of unconditional love that will build a sense of unconditional value in us, we will seek confirmation of ourselves in the eyes of others throughout our lives.
In the years 8-14, we start to make choices about who will be our idol, who we will admire, and who we will follow. Our idols are music, sport, and (nowadays) social media stars. But also our older siblings or their friends. It is during this period that we often adopt selected attitudes and values from admired "individualities".
In this (especially at the beginning) tumultuous period, we make ever more conscious choices about our personal values. We begin to build our unique identity. We are looking for our way. Of course, we question our parents' generation, we are convinced that we will do everything much better. 🙂
It is also a period of increased sexual development. Sex is a huge and very important force. How we imagine it is extremely important to our whole life.
It is also a time when our colleagues and group are of great importance. Some of us want to be like our friends at all costs. Otherwise, we are the "leader" of the group. As they say today, we "sweep" 🙂
What is the most important criterion that we follow (very often unconsciously) when making choices in these periods? IT'S SAFETY.
The sense of security (both physically and mentally) plays a key role and has an extremely significant impact on our entire life. The more we have had trouble with this in our "adolescent" life, the more we will be reluctant to change in later years. The more difficult it will be for us to start something, take risks, and adapt to changes.
Furthermore. In our adult choices, we will very often (and largely unconsciously) be guided by the principle of running away from what we DO NOT WANT, than going towards what we WANT. In extreme cases, we won't even know what we want.
So how then can you build a happy life? Can coaching help with this?
More about it in the next episodes ...